Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
