Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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