I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
