Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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