Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
