you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
