just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
