Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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