Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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