OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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