making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
