if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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