He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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