last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
