you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
