You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
