Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
