Quick, to the slutcave!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
