do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My bed smells like the plague
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
