would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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