just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
