is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
