There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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