i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize