She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
