And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
