Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
