She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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