If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
