when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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