honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
