Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
