he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
