so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
