i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
