Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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