I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
