Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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