just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
