never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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