He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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