Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
