Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
