My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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