I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
