I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
