The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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