D3 body, D1 cock
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
