My liver just broke up with me...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
smell my finger.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
