Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
