You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
