she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
