So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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