The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
