Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
