no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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