Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
