I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
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I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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