I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
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So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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