I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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