At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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