I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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