Me too!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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