Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
