Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
