I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
