1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
