if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
